This is the English version of a play that I had to write for my French 3 class. I co-wrote this with a girl in my class, so I can't claim complete credit for this. You might not like it, but my French teacher did, she thought is was too cute. I shall warn you write no, it is really odd, strange, and dramatic, but it was a lot of fun to write. There, you have been warned, now you can't blame me for whatever reasons. Please tell me what you think, thanks!
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Cast:
Dracula Jr. III- Vampire in love with GF, The House of Coffins is his family resturant
GF- Girlfriend (what an orignal name, right?
In the verison we turned in, we used out real names, I was the girlfriend and my friend was the waitress, but I don't want to post our real names on the web, so I'm using the name we orginaly gave her) She is annoying and an airhead
Dracula- the original Dracula, and don't you dare suggest that he isn't. He hates humans for the sole reason that the continously insult him with their flimmsy protrayal of him in cheesey films.
Serveuse- Waitress, in love with Dracula Jr. III, who doesn't see her as anything other than a servant
Chez Cercueil
(The House of Coffins)
Dracula Jr. III- Voila! Welcome to my family’s restaurant, the House of Coffins.
GF- Oh la la! What a cute name!
Dracula Jr. III smirks and they walk in together. They sit down at a table and the Serveuse comes up to them. She has their menus with her.
Serveuse- Oh! Dracula Jr. III! What a pleasant surprise. And…she is?
Dracula Jr. III- My girlfriend.
Serveuse- (mad) Oh…Here are your menus. Uh…Bon appetite
She leaves.
GF- What horror…nice service. (Rolls eyes)
Dracula Jr. III- (holds GF’s hand) Now lets see what we should feast on tonight.
Chef appears
Chef- Bonjour. My name is Count Dracula I. I despise humans but they are very tasty. I like long walks on a moonlit beach. I think humans are ugly. Because they make bad movies about me.
GF looks confused. Dracula Jr. III laughs
Dracula Jr. III- You’re so funny Grandpa. Isn’t he dear?
GF- (laughs) absolutely hilarious
Chef- (humph) How can I help you two?
GF orders vegetarian dishes.
Chef- (whispers) she’s bizarre.
Dracula Jr. III- Shhh… (orders bloody steak)
Chef leaves and talks to Serveuse.
Chef- Look, she’s human and she’s trying to steal your man! Kill her!
Serveuse- Yes, Your Countness (Walks away with an evil laugh) No one steals my man!
Takes food to Dracula Jr. III and GF
Serveuse- Here is what your ordered. Your bloody steak and salad. And your drinks.
Secretly puts poison in drink.
Serveuse- Special drink from the chef.
GF smiles but doesn’t drink it.
GF- (to Dracula Jr. III) I love you.
Dracula Jr. III: No, I love you more.
Repeats several times. Serveuse notices that GF isn’t drinking the poison.
Serveuse- Maybe I should expose him for who he really is so that she will leave him.
Goes up to them. Would you like a picture of your wonderful night?
GF- Oh, yes, please!
Dracula Jr. III- Wait a minutes…
Serveuse snaps picture.
Dracula Jr. III- MY EYES! (Grabs Camera and knocks over the red wine onto Serveuse)
Serveuse screams and starts melting.
Serveuse - (crawls away) I’M MELTING!
Dracula Jr. III-Ha ha. Yes that’s my cousin. I have a funny family, yes?
GF- Yes, your family’s from the circus. Would you like some garlic bread?
Dracula Jr. III- (hisses) No!
GF looks confused.
GF- Ok honey.
Starts eating.
GF- I wonder if my make up is running.
Takes out mirror and puts it on the table. She notices that the Dracula Jr. III has no reflection in it.
GF- Excuse me darling.
Drops mirror accidentally and it breaks.
Dracula Jr. III- You’ve got 13 years bad luck now
GF- Oh.
GF goes to restroom and takes out a cross. She throws tap water on it and prays
GF- Help me Lord! Please!
Chef bursts in with a bloody knife.
Chef: You killed my future daughter in law! Now die!
Attempts to bite her. GF holds out cross.
GF- No!
Chef hisses and melts. Dracula Jr. III hears scream and comes to the restroom..
Dracula Jr. III- I heard a scream, what happened? (sees Chef) You! You killed my Grandfather!
GF- You’re a vampire?! I can’t believe you’re an ugly, nasty, disgusting vampire!
She starts to run but Dracula Jr. III catches her.
Dracula Jr. III- You think vampires are ugly? I shall curse you for the rest of your life!
He bite GF. (evil Laugh) Muwhahahaha……
THE END
Subject: House of Coffins 
Tue Jul 08, 2008 4:19 am
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